America's Court System; Is it Justice or Just Us!
(Is justice blind or is it just the Judges?)
Extreme Gender Bias and Lack of Truth and Justice in our Family Court System
I had originally created a blog back in 2010 and have included the link here. That blog addressed more the legal system (don't mistake it for a justice system). The purpose of this new blog is to chronicle the events that have taken place.
· 2002 left the marriage
o Coincided with job ending causing a move to VT for contract position
o Arranged to give 48% ($740/wk) of take home pay for support of household, in addition to maintaining her vehicle @ $1500+/yr, household maintenance etc.
o She was a stay at home mom and continued to do so.
o I suggested she move to VT for a school she wanted to attend, she refused and stayed in West Minster MA (a school she later attended)
o I made weekly round trips btw Burlington VT and MA to be with the kids. (2-7hr R/T's every weekend)
· 2003-2004 took permanent position in Gloucester MA
o 2004 found and arranged an apartment for her and my 2 girls in an upscale MA community near me
o Continued to provide much for her (even doing her laundry) including purchasing a vehicle for her
o 2006 she stated that if I divorced her she would take my kids away from me
o Her demands began to increase, even insisting that when I sold my car I was to give her half
o 2007 Despite receiving $27k/yr tax free from me and working part time she began to go to food banks, ask for special financial consideration from the school system, clothing donations etc to the point my kids asked me if they were poor.
o During this time my visitation was from Friday 3pm to Monday morning drop off at school, alternating Wed overnight with Wed diner visit every other week. Once she was employed the weekends were alternating.
o This continued for a while with only relatively small issues mostly surrounded around her wanting more money.
· 2008-2010
o Mother filed for divorce
o Children began having issues with her. The youngest began rebelling against her.
o Mother presented false accusations of abuse by me in court
§ No records of any kind to substantiate allegations
§ She produced a police report (CT) dating back to 2001 on which she made false statements to the police. I knew nothing of this police report until 2008. This is the ONLY record she could produce, no Medical, Mental health providers, family etc
§ she was instructed by the court never to bring it up again
o Mother took children to unlicensed counselor affiliated with women’s abuse group
o Mother filed false police reports against me (youngest daughter as a witness to the event made statement to the police that countered mothers)
o Mother attempted (without informing me) to take youngest daughter (8 years old at the time) to a psychiatrist for the sole purpose of medicating her. Learning about the appointment I insisted on attending and managed to avert this. The Doctor stated that there were clearly issues in the Mothers home and Haley was in no need of medication.
o Mother would deny the children access to me and would take away phones I provided for the purpose of contact with me
o Mother filed for restraining order in family court (denied) then went to district court to get a “harassment order” bringing a friend in who agreed to make false statements (issued later vacated)
§ I presented a certified letter from state of CT stating that I have no records of any kind in the state. And nothing pertaining to her false allegations.
o Mother convinced (unlicensed) counselor of abuse of her and children (despite the children stating to the contrary)
o Counselor contacted child services
o Mother filed fraudulent tax returns costing me $36k
§ Thru mediation with my attorney she agreed to refile but then reneged
o Mother began telling caregivers, teachers and other parents of my “abuse” stating the children were afraid of me
o Many occasions of Mother denying me visitation
o During divorce hearing told the judge that the Father/children relationship was very important to her yet writing me emails saying I had no right to go to the girls’ sports activities at the school etc
o She requested removal of children to VT to go to school despite the fact that there were 6 schools in MA and only 1 in VT that offered her studies (the same school she refused to attend earlier). She is now (2016) in year 7 of that 2 year program, failing and telling children she won’t graduate for another 2 years and still unemployed
· 2010-2013
o Divorce and removal granted
§ Judge was very questionable (transferred) issuing an order that could not be followed. (later the courts of VT stated this as well)
o Mother sneaked the children out of MA in the middle of the night denying the children opportunity to say good-bye to me or their friends
o Moved in with Uncle who had 5 arrests and 3 convictions of domestic assault
o Mother exposed children to family member (cousin) who is a register sex offender
§ Lived on the same property
§ Told the children that he was family, “OK” and that he loved them
§ Refused to relocate her and the children unless I paid for her new place in full including utilities (despite already receiving $2300 in child support)
§ Youngest daughter told me that he at one time tried to coax her into his house
§ Mother forced children to "unfriend" their fraternal grand mother from Facebook because she exposed the sex offender.
o Children ran away (ages 10 and 12)
§ Mother open handed slapped youngest daughter (according to DCF records)
o Children stated they were afraid of uncle
o Children wrote emails to parents of friends asking for help
o Mother later moved into a shelter for abused/low income women
§ Lived there for two years with the only furniture being a card table and inflatable mattresses for the children
o Youngest daughter developed eating disorder
§ Constantly demanding that she be allowed to leave mother
§ Admitted into Cambridge Eating Disorder Center, demanded that her mother not be allowed to see her (mother was allowed)
§ Later released and seen by Sue Adams of the Adams Center VT
o Oldest daughter's condition became worse
§ Experienced several panic attacks requiring emergency visits
· She was instructed by her mother to make false statements in order to indicate me as the cause
· On one occasion while away at music camp she had an attack because she didn’t want to return to her mother when camp ended. She wanted to call me but was not allowed because Mother refused to make me an emergency contact
o Mother has interfered with EVERY holiday and summer vacation requiring continued legal action and expense on my part, she always received free legal aide from women’s rights group attorney
· Oct 2013
o Sue Adams recommended that youngest daughter be allowed to live with Father
§ I was encouraged by my attorney to try to negotiate an agreement to avoid court
· Mother made impossible demands
· I finally just began agreeing to what I could just to leave her no out (big mistake, should have been explained better by my attorney.)
· Actual move did not take place until late November, I was forced to move to different school district
o Jan 2014
§ I found evidence of youngest daughter (14) sending nude pics to boys on her phone
§ Youngest daughter found school a little hard and missed friends and sister
§ Mother manipulated daughter and did not return her after a visitation
· Oldest daughter refused to go back with Mother
· Mother once again made false statements to police in an effort to obtain a restraining order
· Police took statement from oldest daughter who said Mother was lying
· Lebanon NH Police charged Mother with disorderly conduct
· Mother presented elaborate lies during the hearing and because the oldest daughter could not be presented to testify – not guilty
o The judge read her the riot act saying that was the only reason he found her not guilty
§ Jan – Aug 2014 I was denied access to my children
· No court order
· Mother threw away the phone I provided to my youngest (not the first time)
· I tried for months to contact them with no success
· Youngest daughter returned to care of Sue Adams, however I have made NUMEROUS attempts to speak to Sue Adams and she has failed to return ANY attempts. Violation of my parental rights.
§ Aug 2014
· Youngest now says going back was the worst mistake she made, she hates her mother and that her mother “triggers” her constantly. She says her mother tells her that she hates her. Oldest daughter confirms this.
· Youngest daughter wants to move back with me.
· Oldest daughter has turned to drugs and has experimented with acid
· Oldest has run away to NY stayed in a hotel to attend a concert
· Both children say mother is never there, rarely has family meals and provides no real relationship
§ Summer 2015
· After getting into a heated argument with her mother which resulted in her mother refusing to extend the weekend stay with her father by one day, the oldest daughter cut her wrists requiring in 21 stitches.
· Youngest daughters eating disorder had worsened and required a second stay at an inpatient treatment facility in Boston.
§ Winter 2015
· Oldest daughter was the victim of a pedophile also involving her younger sister.
All of the girls' issues resulted from the Mother continually trying to prevent me from see my kids. Starting with the move to Vermont, 4 hours away from me, under the guise of getting her education, which she has yet to complete 7 years later. This forced the girls into spending 16 hours in a car every other weekend just to see me. She has involved state and local agencies and the girls care gives with her false accusations of domestic violence and abuse, even forcing the girls to attend therapy 5 days a week at times. Mother has continuously denied me my parental rights (I share legal custody) and has NEVER included me in any decision regarding care givers, treatment etc.
Both children have stated that they believe that the mother has mental/emotional issues. Mother's own family members have told me that they believe the same. Anyone close to the situation has made the same statement, including my best friend, a pediatrician, whom we’ve (Mother and I) have known since before the girls were born.
I have been in and out of the court system countless times since 2008. My first attorney took $25,000 and then quit 2 weeks before the divorce hearing. This forced me to quickly search for another attorney but without any funds for a retainer the only attorney that would accept my case had very little experience. This became another $18,000 bill and due to a very questionable judge resulted in an order that was impossible to follow and put the girls at more risk (the move from MA to VT).
Learning about the family sex offender sent me back to court again in an attempt to protect the girls, another $15,000 with no real results. After jurisdiction was moved to VT I had to retain yet another attorney in VT which yielded some results allowing Haley to move back with me to MA, another $12,000. She then became the victim of her mother's manipulation (an incident that led to the Mother's arrest).
After the cutting incident by my oldest daughter, and at the suggestion of my first VT attorney, I retained another "tougher" attorney. The ensuing court battle took several months and another $15,000 and was final in Aug 2015. It resulted in my move to VT, which my current job allowed, and 50/50 custody of my children. This was very difficult to get but was a result of the girls finally being of an age that allowed to speak in court. The mother for years had blocked all previous efforts that would allow them to speak.
At this time DCF, the girls' GAL and the girls' attorney were all on board which forced the mother into making an agreement that allowed 50/50 custody. Due to her inputs, and very much in line with her physiological makeup, the agreement became extremely convoluted. But it included the requirement for NFI (New England Family Institute) to go into each home and make an assessment of the environment. This is something I have tried to get for years. However since Sept of 2015 the Mother has blocked this action.
Despite living with me half the time, the time spent with her Mother has caused extreme stress on my youngest daughter. Sometimes resulting in physical altercations with her mother. This has once again exacerbated her eating disorder and attempts were made for her to have another inpatient treatment. However she refused to go and has worked with me and her therapist and things have gotten better in that area. However she has several time refused to go to her mother's home.
Rather than do what is best for her daughter the Mother has involved the state police and forced her daughter into being with her. This has now resulted in my youngest daughter attempting to experiment with very dangerous drugs and risky behavior.
I began to monitor the use of Facebook and her phone. This allowed me to circumvent this activity and even prevent an attempt by her to run away from school with an over aged boy. I have since been able to work with both her and her oldest sister and with the promise to do what is needed to allow my youngest to live with me, things have settled quite a bit. My oldest daughter will be 18 in two weeks and will make her own decision. This would leave my youngest alone with her mother for the next two years and without the support of her oldest sister.
I must now enter into the court system once again to make this happen. I filed an emergency motion and was granted temporary sole legal and physical custody pending a hearing on June 22nd. The good news is that along with DCF, the GAL, and the girls' attorney I now have my daughters therapist who is willing to testify in court that my youngest daughter NEEDS to live with me and away from her mother. We are also requesting that I have sole legal and physical custody of my daughter which in affect will eliminate her mother's interference in her life and happiness.
In the beginning of 2016 my attorney was appointed to the superior court bench and I retained another attorney from his office. This attorney believes strongly that with the support of these people and Haley being of an age that her desires carry more weight in court that this can be a slam dunk. It has been extremely difficult to explain to two young girls why this has been allowed to happen. Other than the extreme gender bias practiced by the Family Courts I don't understand it my self. As well as the refusal by the mental health community to stand up and do what is truly healthy and right for the children.
We must now re-enter the court system in an attempt to finally end this. My oldest will be 18 and will be moving out but my youngest will still be at risk if she is not allowed to live with me.
